An Afternoon In The Mayo Clinic ER

I was supposed to spend the day cheering on my Arizona Diamondbacks. Instead, I was in the Mayo Clinic ER for chest pains and fainting.

There is nothing that can be construed as elegant when you are in the hospital for any reason. There’s the fashionable gown you wear that, despite your best efforts to tie it all together, you give any interested party a peep show starting at the back of your neck to the small of your back to your two biscuits (or, in my case, loaves). There’s your mask, which only adds to claustrophobic feeling as you get poked and prodded. There’s the urine test which you simply cannot complete without getting piss all over the toilet seat, the jar you are supposed to neatly fill, and your fingertips. There’s the IV attached to nothing, along with four other blood test sites up and down your arms.

And then there are your big, frightened eyes. No, it isn’t at all elegant to sit for hours in Bay Number Four. Even with your phone for company. Even as you discover why Kids Today enjoy TikTok so much.

I am full of complaints, ungrateful bratty complaints. I thought I would awaken with excitement. The Diamondbacks may be a difficult team to love, but I love them nonetheless. I love going to Chase Field for games, which of course was not an option for all of last year. I miss it terribly.

Instead, I awoke with a pounding in my ears, very strange. I was hot and clammy. I felt immediately unwell: that is the only way I would describe it. Like I was going to faint…